i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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