...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
