i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
