dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize