and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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