porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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