And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
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i drank out of a bidet.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
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Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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