You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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