the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My vagina is officially offended.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
