Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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