That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
