Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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