if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
