I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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