What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
