Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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