He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The air was thick with penises
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight