Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This Girlâ€™s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants