My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize