I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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