her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.