and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face