Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
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I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey