She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
