So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
