i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
