hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
