The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
