Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
