i was born a porn star she said
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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