I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
