Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
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The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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