At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
