I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
