her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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