well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
