I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i think my cat just said my name.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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