Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
