Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
