She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
