im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
