Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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