Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
