i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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