i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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