Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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