I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
