his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
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Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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