i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
