with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
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Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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