Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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