sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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