in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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