Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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