whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
