BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
