my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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