i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize