I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
