I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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