One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
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We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
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His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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