i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
