so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
