Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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